Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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