It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
