Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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