just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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