That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
