you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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