my mouth tastes like poor choices
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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