I wish I could punch you in the face.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
