He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
