i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
