I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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