Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
