There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
