I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
