Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
