don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
