this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
