I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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