I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
