my sisters under your porch take her home
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
