3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize