I think I won the penis lottery.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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