you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
