put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize