I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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