i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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