You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
