Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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