I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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