The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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