is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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