idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
