Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
