It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
