someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
