I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
