If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
