Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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