You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
