her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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