I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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