Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
