I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
