my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I checked into jail on foursquare
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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