i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
