I faked an abortion last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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