yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
