Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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