So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
