someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
