Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
