i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
