I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
