They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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