Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize