no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
