I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
