TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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