so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
