Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
