And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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