its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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