what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
