I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
