I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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