it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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