are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
