Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize