I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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