last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
