i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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